No Love For The Merc: REMASTERED
by The Jonny T Factor
Summary: What happens when Finn and Jake try to help Deadpool with his relationship troubles with Marceline? R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, faithful viewers! The Jonny T Factor here again, with yet another Deadpool/ Adventure Time crossover! I honestly think that of all the Deadpool crossovers I've done, this is my favorite pairing. Since the first one did so well, I thought it would only be fair that I write another. This one involves a certain Merc that has a little relationship issue. Hope you enjoy.**

**I do not own Deadpool or Adventure Time.**

**No Love For The Merc: REMASTERED**

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><p>Finn and Jake walk together through the Land of Ooo. They were heading towards the Candy Kingdom, hoping to visit Princess Bubblegum.<p>

"Hey, Finn." Jake says.

"Yeah, Jake?" Finn questions.

"Why are we going to the Candy Kingdom again?" Jake replies, confused.

"To see if PB needs anything." Finn answers.

"...You're not still trying to hook up with her, are you?" Jake questions.

"Wha?" Finn says, shocked.

"Aw man, you are, aren't you?" Jake states, narrowing his eyes.

"No, man, I'm just... trying to help those in need!" Finn explains, blushing.

"Man, you need to get it through your head, she's just not interested!" Jake informs, "And you need to forget about her. Try finding someone else. Like Wildberry Princess, she's cute. And hey, she might teach you how to make that sweet jam or hers. Then we can copyright and sell it!"

"Dude, like I said, I'm just trying to help those in need!" Finn repeats, still blushing.

"HELP!" a high pitched voice screams.

"Whoa, Jake, did you hear that?" Finn questions, surprised.

"Yeah, it sounds like someone that needs help." Jake states.

"Uh, yeah, I got that." Finn replies. The two quickly race over a hill, only to be met with a shocking sight.

"HEY, YOU'RE NOT SO GOOD LOOKING YOURSELF, JERK!" Deadpool yells. He was standing over a group of fluffy people. He was beating each one of them to a matted pulp.

"WADE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Finn yells, him and Jake running at Deadpool and pushing him away, "Stop hurting the fluffy people!"

"Thank you..." a fluffy person mutters, before passing out.

"I can't help it, they have 'punch me' all over their soft, little, faces!" Deadpool states, "Except it's backward!" Finn and Jake both look at the fluffy people to see the words 'PUNCH ME' printed backwards on their faces.

"Dude, you're wearing brass knuckles." Jake informs. Deadpool looks at his hands, seeing the brass knuckles with the words printed on them.

"Huh, forgot I put those on." Deadpool says, tossing them behind him.

"Why were you attacking these guys?" Finn questions.

"I'm depressed." Deadpool answers, sitting on the ground, looking sad through his body language.

**[**Gaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!**]**

"And the only thing that makes me happy is being paid to inflict harm." Deadpool replies.

"Someone paid you to hurt them?" Jake questions.

"Do I look happy to you?" Deadpool answers, pointing at his masked face.

"Uuuhhh... no?" Finn replies, a bit unsure, "Soooo, what are you depressed about?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Deadpool informs.

"Okay." Finn says, shrugging and walking away with Jake.

"Yeah, I totally don't wanna talk about how Marcline dumped me." Deadpool states. Finn and Jake turn in mid-step and walk back to Deadpool.

"Whoa, Marcline dumped you?" Finn replies.

"WHAT?" Deadpool yells, "Who told you? Was it the puff balls?" Deadpool grabs a fluffy person and rears his fist back. "I'LL KILL YOU!" Deadpool growls.

"AAAHHH!" the fluffy person screams.

"NO, WADE!" Finn yells, "Look, just tell us what happened!" Jake slowly slips the fluffy person out of Deadpool's grasp.

"I'm not sure what happened!" Deadpool states, "I thought everything was going good for us. We saw movies together, ate a shit ton of Mexican grub, wrote a fanfiction about Marshall Lee meeting Boobs, that kind of stuff. Then one day she just threw me out!"

"Harsh, dude." Jake replies.

"Why didn't you come stay with us?" Finn questions.

"Well, I thought I'd stay at the Candy Kingdom for awhile." Deadpool explains, "But let's just say that I learned that pixie stixs are the cocaine of the candy world."

**[**God, that was a party!**]**

"So, I was banished by Princess Bubbleboobs and decided to blame my problems on weaker individuals." Deadpool replies, "You know, the Bush approach."

"Yo, watch what you say about Peebles!" Finn orders, a little defensive.

"Chill, dude." Jake says.

"Anyway, that's about it." Deadpool informs.

"Well, maybe we can talk to Marceline for you." Finn says, "And in the mean time, you can stay at our Tree Fort." Deadpool lets out a joyful squeal.

"...You heard that, didn't you?" Deadpool questions, as he comes to a realization.

"Yep." Jake answers. Deadpool pulls out a gun and points it at the two.

"Forget what you heard!" Deadpool orders, "FORGET IT!" Finn and Jake nod nervously. "Good." Deadpool says, then puts his gun away and hugs Finn and Jake tightly, "Boys, we're gonna have a hell of a time!"

"AWESOME!" both Finn and Jake cheer.

**[**One hour later…**]**

Deadpool lays in the fetal position on the couch, in the Tree Fort, in nothing but his underwear and mask. Tubs of ice cream lay open on the floor around him, and a stereo resting by his head. The song 'On My Own' by the Used was playing, and tears streamed down Deadpool's face. Finn and Jake watch from the kitchen, a little worried.

"Dude, he's only been here for half an hour." Jake says.

"Yeah, and all he's done is open up cartons of ice cream and put them around the couch and listen to that song over and over." Finn replies.

"Oh, Bert, someone hurt you, didn't they?" Deadpool cries, "Who hurt you, Bert? …Who hurt you?"

"Dude, he's totally messed up about Marceline." Finn informs, "I think we need to help them get back together."

"Yeah, but how?" Jake questions. Just then, BMO enters the kitchen, wearing a sleeping cap on its head.

"Finn, Jake, please… get the freaky guy out!" Beemo begs, "I cannot get my beauty sleep!"

"You don't need beauty sleep, BMO." Jake informs.

"Yeah, you're already super adorable." Finn adds. Beemo's face lights up with joy, then it skips out of the kitchen. "Okay, now seriously, dude, we need to talk to Marcie." Finn states.

A few minutes later, Finn and Jake arrive at Marceline's house. They ring on the doorbell, but there was no response.

"Marceline?" Finn calls, but there was still no response.

"Maybe she's out doing stuff." Jake says.

"I guess we should just go in." Finn replies, shrugging. Finn opens the door and the two enter, finding it to be dark inside.

"Huh… you'd think she'd leave a light on." Jake says. All of a sudden, the door slams shut behind them. "WHAT WAS THAT!" Jake screams, as him and Finn turn around. Just then, a wolf leaps onto them, pinning them underneath it.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" both scream as the wolf growls at them. The wolf's eyes then widen, as it morphs into Marceline.

"Oh, hey, guys." Marceline greets.

"Hey, Marcie." Finn replies, as him and Jake act as if nothing had happened.

"Sup." Jake adds.

"So, what brings you guys here?" Marceline questions, as she floats off of them and helps them to their feet.

"Well… it's about Wade." Finn informs, "He's really upset about you dumping him."

"He's got a mad case of heartache, momma!" Jake states.

"Yeah, that figures." Marceline sighs, "I've been feeling bad about it too."

"So, why don't you get back together with him?" Jake questions.

"Why would I do that?" Marceline replies.

"...'Cause you miss him?" Finn answers, a bit unsure.

"Pfff, no way!" Marceline states.

"...That's kinda harsh." Jake informs, "...You're a harsh person."

"Okay, let's start at the beginning, how were things going between you two?" Finn replies.

"Well… it was kind of fun being with Wade." Marceline explains, "He was funny, kind, and romantic… in his own insane way. But the thing is… I kind of have feelings for someone else."

"Wow." Jake replies.

"Who?" Finn questions.

"That's not important!" Marceline says, blushing a little, "Anyway… I tried to let Wade off easy, but as I soon learned, nothing is easy with him. He trashed my place and stole my 'Maybe Memories' CD."

"Wow, he defiantly was ticked." Jake says.

"Yeah, and I hadn't even broke up with him yet." Marceline replies, "I tried to explain to him that we could still hang out, but he told me that he was going to score some pixie stixs and ran off. I didn't really understand until I heard he was banished from the Candy Kingdom. Guess he finally met Bonnie."

"Yeah, we just found him today, beating up some fluffy people." Finn informs, "We invited him back to the Tree Fort, but all he did was cry when we got there."

"Wait, Deadpool can cry?" Marceline questions, then giggles a bit, "I'm sorry, but that's just funny."

"Not really." Finn replies, "It's actually kind of sad." Jake holds up a cellphone with a picture of Deadpool on the screen, curled up on the couch in his underwear, shoveling a spoonfull of ice cream into his mouth, with a tear in his eyes.

"Whoa… that is sad." Marceline says, feeling a little sorry.

"And that's why you need to come help us cheer him up." Finn informs. Marceline thinks for a moment.

"Well... okay." Marceline replies, "I'll stop by later tonight."

"Cool." Jake says.

"Well, I guess we'll see you later." Finn states, "We need to hurry back to the Tree Fort and make sure Wade hasn't burned it down yet. ...Seriously, it could be gone. Come on, Jake."

"Right behind ya, dude." Jake replies, then the two head for the door.

"Wait, Finn." Marceline says, "I need to tell you something."

"Okay." Finn replies, as him and Jake stop and turn back around.

"...In private." Marceline explains, arching an eyebrow. The three stand in an awkward silence for a couple minutes. "...Alone." Marceline says, narrowing her eyes a bit. Several more minutes of awkwardness between the three goes by. "...Without Jake." Marceline adds, facepalming.

"...Oh!" Finn replies, coming to a realization, "Jake, wait outside."

"Kay." Jake says, walking out the door.

"So, what's on your mind?" Finn questions.

"Finn... there's no easy way for me to say this, so I just say it." Marceline explains, a bit of hesitation in her voice.

"That sounds like any easy way of saying it." Finn informs.

"Shut up, I'm talking!" Marceline orders.

"Sorry." Finn says. Marceline takes a deep breath.

"I... I broke up with Wade because of you." Marceline states.

"Whaaaa?" Finn replies, shoucked.

"Look, don't freak out or anything, but... I like you." Marceline informs, "And I mean I really like you." Finn becomes silent for a moment.

"Uh... wow." Finn says, a little surprised.

"Look, I knew this might happen." Marceline states, feeling embarrassed, "You know what, just forget everything I just said!"

"No, it's okay!" Finn informs, "I... I like you too. But I thought you weren't into that kind of stuff."

"I'm not!" Marceline replies, "I mean... I wasn't! It's complicated! You know how women are!"

"No, I don't." Finn says, a little confused.

"Oh right, you're a cabbage baby." Marceline says.

"Hey, Finn, you done yet?" Jake calls from outside, "There a squirrel at the entrance of the cave and I wanna kill it for some reason!"

"Just a sec, Jake!" Finn replies.

"Look, we'll talk about this later." Marceline informs, then gives Finn a kiss on the cheek. Finn's eyes widen, his jaw drops, and he blushes. He slowly backs away through the door and closes it. Jake and Finn head out of the cave and make their way back to the Tree Fort.

"So, what did Marceline tell ya?" Jake questions.

"Uh... n-n-nothing." Finn answers, still shocked.

"You okay, dude?" Jake questions, a little worried, "You're starting to freak me out with the face thing." Finn shakes his head, then regains his composure.

"Jake." Finn says.

"Yeah, Finn?" Jake replies.

"I think I'm in trouble." Finn informs.

"Why, ya gotta pee?" Jake questions, "Just go behind a bush, no one's looking."

"No, Jake, it's more serious than that!" Finn states.

"Whoa!" Jake replies, with his eyes wide.

"Dude, if I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone!" Finn informs.

"It's okay, dude, I won't tell anyone." Jake says.

"Okay, here it goes." Finn replies, "Jake... Marceline has a thing for me." Jake is silent, then bursts into laughter. "Dude, it's not funny!" Finn states, getting angry.

"Finn's got a girlfriend, Finn's got a girlfriend!" Jake sings, laughing even more.

"DUDE!" Finn yells.

"Finn and Marceline, sitting in tree!" Jake sings, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Finn grabs Jake and shakes him.

"Jake, this is serious!" Finn yells, "If Wade finds out about this, he will literally kill me! ...With guns!"

"Oh crud, dude!" Jake replies.

"I know, man!" Finn says, "What do I do?" Jake thinks for a moment.

"Maybe we can grab a few things for from the Tree Fort and sneak them over to the Candy Kingdom." Jake explains, "And if things don't go well tonight, you can always lay low there."

"Jake, you're a genus!" Finn states, hugging Jake.

"I know." Jake replies.

Later, Finn and Jake arrive back at the Tree Fort. Finding it to be silent.

"Huh, maybe Wade's feeling better." Jake says, "His music's not blaring anymore." They both open the door and enter the Tree Fort, finding it to be dark inside.

"Wade?" Finn questions, looking around. Both look around the fort for a moment, then stroll into the kitchen.

"Maybe he left." Jake says. They then spot a chimichanga on the table. Both stroll over to it. Finn slowly brings a finger to it and touches it. His heart skips a beat and his blood runs cold.

"...It's cold." Finn says. Jake's face lights up in terror. All of a sudden, they hear a noise coming from upstairs. Both look at each other, fear on their faces. They then slowly make their way to the ladder and head up. They soon find themselves upstairs, which was also dark. "W-Wade?" Finn questions.

"Hello, Finn and Jake." Deadpool's voice replies. A light comes on, revealing Deadpool sitting in a chair.

"H-hey, Wade." Jake greets, a little nervous, "How's it goin'? Ya feelin' any better?"

"Well, I calmed down a little bit ago." Deadpool informs, "Sooo... I decided to do a little internet browsing on this laptop that I stole from Weasel. I decided I'd head over to Fanfiction to see if the story me and Marceline wrote was doing well. And what do I find?"

**[**Hate comments? Gay smut? The sudden realization that your fanfics won't help you lose your virginity?**]**

"I find that Jonny T's posted another story." Deadpool explains, "So, I decide to check it out. And you know what I found?"

"Oh donk!" Finn says, shocked. Deadpool pulls out his katanas.

"JUDAS!" Deadpool yells, his eyes full of rage.

"Wait, Wade, let's not doing anything crazy." Finn replies, nervous, "Let's just talk this out!"

"SHABA-LABA-DABA-DAM!" Deadpool screams gibberish.

"RUN!" Jake screams. both trying to run back downstairs, only for Deadpool to leap in their path. He swings his katanas at their heads, but they duck under them and roll away from Deadpool. Finn pulls out his sword.

"Wade, just let me explain!" Finn says.

"Explanations are for pussies!" Deadpool states, "So, if you wanna explain something, go find a cat!"

"...Whaaaa?" Jake questions, confused.

**[**Yeah... that didn't make sense to me either.**]**

"You took my bitch!" Deadpool yells, "I take your life! It only fair!"

"Look, Wade, I had nothing to do with it!" Finn replies.

"Explain that to Mr. Stabby!" Deadpool says, waving the katana in his right hand around, then the katana in he left hand, "And his brother, Steve!"

**[**Mr. Stabby's living with Steve now because Mrs. Stabby caught him with Ms. Cutty.**]**

Deadpool then swings his katanas at Finn again, this time Finn blocks with his sword. The two connect blades for a bit, then Jake runs over with a lamp and tries to smash it over Deadpool's head. But Deadpool ducks, causing Jake to smash the lamp over Finn's head.

"DUDE!" Finn yells, as he falls to the floor in pain.

"Sorry!" Jake replies, only to receive an elbow to the face by Deadpool, sending him to the floor. Deadpool then points one of his katanas at Jake.

"I know a bad dog that's getting neutered!" Deadpool states.

"NOOOOOO!" Jake screams, horrified.

"NO!" Finn yells, jumping on Deadpool's back and putting him in a headlock. Deadpool reaches back and flings Finn off of him and onto the chair he sat in earlier. He then raise his sword over his head and brings it down, but Finn leaps off of the chair, causing Deadpool to slice it in half. Finn quickly rushes over to Jake, who was just getting back to his feet.

"Dude, Wade's totally lost it!" Finn says, "We gotta get out of here!"

"I'm with ya on that one, buddy!" Jake replies, then they both take off towards the ladder again.

"HEY!" Deadpool yells, then flings his katanas at the two.

"AAAAHHHH!" both Finn and Jake scream. Both quickly duck, sending the katanas into the wall.

"DAMN YOU, SUSPENSE CLICHES!" Deadpool yells. Finn and Jake rush down the ladder, only to find Deadpool with two 9mms drawn waiting at the bottom.

"But... HOW?" Finn questions.

"Teleportation, suckers!" Deadpool yells, then opens fire on them. Both Finn and Jake quickly duck behind the couch.

"Jake!" Finn says.

"Yeah, buddy?" Jake replies.

"We're totally boned, aren't we?" Finn questions.

"Like ham, man!" Jake answers. The bullets destroy everything in sight.

**[**Everything is a potential target!**]**

Finn and Jake continue to cower behind the couch, then Finn spots something pink under the couch. He pulls it out, finding it to be a piece of Princess Bubblegum's hair.

"Jake, I think I found something to stop Wade's gunfire!" Finn informs, then rips the hair in half and wads the two pieces up. He then throws both pieces over the couch, sending them over the barrels of the guns. Deadpool's gunfire stops.

"Looks like I found myself..." Deadpool says, then puts on a pair of sunglasses, "...In a sticky situation."

**[**YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!**]**

"YAAAAAAAAHH!" Finn yells, leaping out from behind the couch with his sword drawn and slices the barrels of the guns in halves as well.

"MY BABIES!" Deadpool screams, then receives a kick to the face by Finn. Finn then punches Deadpool, who then throws the remains of his guns down and punches Finn. Jake tears through the remains of the couch, now large and muscular and charges at Deadpool. "Arkham Asylum training don't fail me now!" Deadpool says, then rolls out of the way of Jake, who runs over Finn and runs into the wall. Deadpool then starts punching Jake, who was now disorientated. Finn quickly gets up and grabs BMO, who was hiding behind a chair.

"FINN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Beemo screams.

"I'm really sorry, BMO!" Finn informs, then raises BMO over his head and slams him down on Deadpool's head.

"OW!" BMO screams. Deadpool turns around, seeming unaffected.

"Oh crud!" Finn says. Jake starts to stumble around a bit.

"Did you really think that hitting me over the head with that adorable looking computer thing would do something?" Deadpool questions, "What are you dense? Are you retarded or something? I'M THE GODDAMN DEADPOOL!" All of a sudden, Jake falls down on top of Deadpool, completely out cold. Jake then shrinks down to normal size. "...ow..." Deadpool moans, before falling unconscious.

"BMO, you okay?" Finn questions, only to receive a punch to the face as a response. BMO leaps down and storms off, angry. Finn quickly picks Jake up. "Jake, you okay, dude?" he questions. Jake wakes up.

"Oh, Finn... I was having the weirdest dream that Wade and Marceline broke up." Jake informs, then looks around the Tree Fort, seeing all the destruction, "It was real, wasn't it?"

"Yep." Finn replies.

"So, what do we do now?" Jake questions.

"I guess we should restrain Wade until Marceline gets here." Finn answers.

"Kay." Jake replies.

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><p><strong>Will the love drama come to an end? Will Deadpool and Marceline get back together? Will Deadpool get free and try to kill Finn and make a Highlander reference? All these question will be answered in the next exciting chapter of No Love For The Merc! Please Review. Thanks.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**The final chapter of No Love For The Merc: REMASTERED.**

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><p>Deadpool slowly starts to wake up, Finn and Jake standing close by. He soon finds himself tied to a chair, his weapons all removed.<p>

"Oh god, it's turned into a slash fic!" Deadpool screams, horrified.

"Wade, you have to listen to me." Finn informs, "I didn't take Marceline from you!"

"Oh, yes you did!" Deadpool replies, "You and your damn cuteness! God, if Boobs was here, she would totally be all over you!"

"He's got a point, Finn." Jake states.

"Dude, not helping!" Finn says, "...But thank you. Look, Wade, I knew I wouldn't be able to get through to you alone."

**[**Understatement of the century.**]**

"So, I invited Marceline over to explain things." Finn explains. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Finn strolls over and opens it, finding Marceline.

"Hey, Finn." Marceline greets, then sees the trashed inside of the fort, "...Wade found out, didn't he?"

"Yep!" Deadpool calls from inside. Marceline sighs, then enters. "Babe, you came back for me!" Deadpool says, joy in his voice.

"No, Wade." Marceline replies, "Look, I didn't want you to find out like this. But it's true, I left you for Finn."

"Oh, come on, Marcie!" Deadpool says, "Finn hasn't even seen a girl naked! ...Granted, he has seen a woman naked... but that doesn't count!"

"I'm sorry, Wade, but I've kind of had a thing for Finn before we started dating." Marceline informs.

"Aaawww, but I already finished the pilot for our sitcom!" Deadpool whines, "FOX would pay top dollar for it! Now what am I supposed to do with it?"

**[**Throw it in the pile with the rest of the failed sitcoms.**]**

"Wade, I'm sure you can find another girl." Marceline replies.

"Are you kidding me?" Deadpool questions, "In my life time, there have been two chicks I had a 'relationship' with! One was murdered, and the other dumped me! And if that's not bad enough, the love of my life, Bea Arthur, is dead, and I have a thing for Death, but I can't see her unless I die! WHICH I CAN'T!"

**[**You suck at gettin' the bitches.**]**

"Whoa, dude." Marceline replies, feeling sorry.

"Death is a guy, man." Jake informs.

"What?" Deadpool replies, confused, "No she isn't."

"Yeah, dude, I got a picture of him." Jake says, holding up his cellphone with a picture of Death on it. Deadpool stares at the picture with wide eyes.

"...That bitch told me it was a strap-on!" Deadpool yells.

"Wade, we can help you find someone you'll like." Finn says, "There are plenty of girls here that might like you."

"Can you set me up with the Ice Queen?" Deadpool questions, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Who?" Finn replies.

"Damn!" Deadpool yells, then a thought comes to mind, "Say, Marcie, quick questions, if Finn wasn't around, would we still be together?"

"I dunno, maybe." Marceline answers.

"Interesting." Deadpool says, "Say, Finn and Jake, where exactly did you put my weapons?"

"On the table, in the kitchen." Jake replies.

"SUDDEN BURST OF ENERGY!" Deadpool yells, then breaks free from his bonds.

"AAAAAHHH!" Finn screams in a feminine tone.

"I AM A MAN!" Deadpool states, then punches Finn in the gut. He then headbutts Jake and rushes to the kitchen.

"AH, WHY IS IT ALWAYS A HEADBUTT!" Jake yells in pain.

"WADE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Marceline questions, shocked.

"Having an epic fight to the death!" Deadpool answers, grabbing his katanas, "All good romance novels must have them!" Deadpool then rushes towards Finn, only for Marceline to step in his path.

"Leave him alone, Wade!" Marceline hisses, her face becoming beastly.

"I'm not Wade!" Deadpool states, then puts on a pair of glasses. Marceline just stares at him, slightly confused.

"Uhhh... what are you doing?" Marceline questions.

"Huh, that usually works in the DC universe." Deadpool states, removing the glasses, "Well, I guess I'll have to do it the Deadpool way." He pulls out a handgun and shoots Marceline, sending a dart into her arm.

"What... oh... you jeerrrr..." Marceline tries to say, but falls unconscious.

**[**You think she'll be pissed about that later?**]**

"Nah, she'll get over." Deadpool says, then turns back to Finn, who was getting back to his feet. Finn looks up to see Deadpool holding the katanas.

"This isn't good!" Finn states, eyes widen.

"So, Finn, how about a little game I like to call 'Pain Factor'?" Deadpool questions, "The only game that involves the contestants competing for their lives."

**[**And the only game that sounds like it should be a Mr. T reality show! Mr. T hosts… **PAIN FACTOR!]**

"I would totally watch that!" Deadpool states, giving Finn enough time to pull out his sword, "Wait, what was I doing again? Oh yeah, killing!"

"Wade, we don't have to do this, dude!" Finn informs.

"Oh, blah blah blah, don't have to do this, blah blah blah, I'm a total pussy, blah blah blah, mommy, the babysitter touched me in a naughty pla…" Deadpool says, then stops himself, "I mean... uhh… DIE!" He leaps at Finn and swings his katanas, but Finn blocks them. The two connect blades for a bit, then Deadpool tackles Finn through a window, landing on the ground outside. Both of them slowly make it back to their feet. "Instantly regret that decision!" Deadpool states in pain, then his right shoulder hanging lower, "...Oh yeah, that's a dislocation! Oh god, that's gonna hurt tomorrow. He then snaps it back into place. "...AAAAHHHH, FIRE IN MY DICKHOLE, THAT HURT!" he screams. After a few seconds, he picks up his katanas again. He then swings them at Finn, but he blocks them again. Finn then kicks Deadpool between the legs. Deadpool lets out a high pitch scream.

"Ah, dude, that hurt me a little!" Finn states, feeling bad, "You okay?"

"I... can't feel... my legs!" Deadpool squeals, clutching his crotch. After a few seconds pass, Deadpool manages to stand up straight again. "…Okay." Deadpool says, then swings his katanas at Finn yet again, but Finn dodges. Finn continues to connect blades with Deadpool, as they back through the Land of Ooo. Deadpool tries to slice Finn down the middle, but he dodges and kicks him in the face. He then punches him and tries to stab him, but Deadpool dodges. He then punches Finn and backhands him. "God, no one ever told me how much fun it is to hit children!" Deadpool states, then punches Finn again. He tries for another, only for Finn to catch it.

"I'm… not… a CHIIIIIIIILLLLLD!" Finn yells, rage in his eyes as he rips off his hat, revealing his long, golden hair.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND!" Deadpool yells, then receives a punch to the face by Finn. Finn then knocks the katanas out of Deadpool's hands and tackles him to the ground. He then starts to punch him repeatedly in the face. "Ow, ow, ow, okay, ow, ow, that's enough, ow, ow, ow, this is really starting to piss me off!" Deadpool says, as Finn continues to punch him. Deadpool pushes Finn off and tries to crawl away, only for Finn to start punching his butt. "OH SHIT!" Deadpool yells, "HE'S BEATIN' MY BUTT! HE'S BEATIN' MY BUTT! DON'T BREAK MY BUTT! DON'T BREAK MY BUTT! HE'S BREAKING MY BUTT!"

**[**I heard Abe Lincoln died that way.**]**

"Don't think anybody will get that reference!" Deadpool states. Finn stands up, leaving Deadpool limp on the ground.

"I didn't wanna have to do that to you, man." Finn informs, then kicks Deadpool's katanas away.

"You cold as ice!" Deadpool says.

"FINN!" Jake yells, as he runs over, Marceline floating behind him. "That was so cool, dude!" Jake states, "You beat the tar out of him!"

"Yeah, it was actually kind of hot." Marceline says, with a purr in her voice. Finn blushes a bit.

"Uhh… anyway, let's get Wade back to the Tree Fort." Finn replies. They all turn, only to find that Deadpool was gone and a nearby sewer hatch was open. "Uh oh." Finn says, eyes widen.

"You think we should follow him?" Jake questions.

"Either that, or he kills us in our sleep." Finn replies.

"...Will he do it peacefully, like a pillow over the face?" Jake questions.

"No, he'll probably stabs up to death." Finn answers.

"...Yeah, let's go after him." Jake says. The three make their way down the hatch and Finn pulls some flashlights out of his backpack. The three search around in the dark, but were unable to find Deadpool.

"Wade?" Finn calls out.

"DP!" Jake yells, but there was no response, "Maybe he found a way out of here."

"No." Marceline replies, "I can smell the red on him. He's close."

"BONSIIIIIAAAA!" Deadpool yells, diving down from the ceiling with his katanas pointed at Finn.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" all three scream, then leap out of the way. Deadpool quickly lands on his feet.

"Darn it!" Deadpool yells, "How did they see that coming?"

**[**They must be ninjas!**]**

"A possibility!" Deadpool states, then swings his katanas at Finn, who blocks with his sword. Jake grows muscles and grabs Deadpool.

"Keep your hands off my buddy!" Jake growls.

"Aaaww, does doggy wanna play?" Deadpool questions, then pulls out a grenade and pulls out the pin, "Here, fetch!" Deadpool tosses the grenade down and it explodes, sending everyone flying back. Everyone gets back to their feet and Deadpool and Finn charge at each other, connecting blades again. Marceline pulls out her axe.

"Wade, leave him alone!" Marceline orders, then swings the axe, slicing off Deadpool's head. His head falls to the ground behind him.

"Huh… well it's nothing to lose my head over." Deadpool states, then starts laughing, "Nah, but seriously, picky uppie." Deadpool's body turns around and picks up the head and puts it back on. Marceline and Jake quickly rush to Finn's side.

"So, Hero, what do we do now?" Marceline questions.

"I don't know, maybe you should get back together with him." Finn answers.

"Finn!" Marceline growls.

"Sorry, I'm just out of ideas." Finn informs.

"I have one." Deadpool replies, "It involves me killing you. And we all benefit from it. …Except for you, 'cause you'll be dead."

"Wade, I'm not gonna go out with you again even if you kill Finn." Marceline says, "In fact, I'll hate you for it!"

"Ah, it's just your time of the month." Deadpool says, "Oh, and by the way, while you all were talking, I had a chance to throw down a smoke bomb." The three's eyes widen and they look down to see the smoke bomb. It goes off, causing them to fall to their knees, gasping for air. When the smoke clears, the three lay on the ground, nearly unconscious. Finn slowly tries to crawl away, only for Deadpool to step in front of him. He raises one of his katanas up over his head. "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" Deadpool announces.

"Oh ma glo', Finn!" says a female voice from the shadows. Deadpool stops in his tracks. Finn slowly raises his head.

"Huh…" Finn says. Just then, Susan steps out of the shadows. "…Susan?" Finn questions. Deadpool drops his katana at the sight of Susan.

"Finn!" Susan says, running over.

_A moment like this!_

Deadpool is awestruck as he watches Susan slowly jog towards him, her massive breasts bouncing together.

_Some people wait a lifetime,_  
><em>For a moment like this!<em>

Susan becomes sweaty from jogging and she pulls out a bottle of water and slowly takes a drink, a little bit of water trickling down to her chest. She then pours the water all over herself.

_Some people search forever,_  
><em>For that one special kiss<em>  
><em>Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me!<em>

Deadpool rips off the top half of his suit, revealing an extremely muscular upper body with flawless skin. He takes the glincing Susan into his arm and twirls her around. The two then slowly go to kiss each other.

_Some people wait a lifetime,_  
><em>For a moment like th-<em>

Meanwhile, in reality, Susan scoops Finn up into her arms and hugs him.

"Wha' are 'ou doing down here?" Susan questions.

"It's… a long story." Finn informs. Deadpool stares at Susan's chest.

"…Boobs." Deadpool says.

**[**…Boobs.**]**

Susan looks at Deadpool, a little surprised.

"Finn, who red man?" Susan questions.

"Uhhh… that's Wade." Finn answers. Susan drops Finn and slowly steps over to Deadpool, who snaps out of his boob trance.

"Hey, there good looking?" Deadpool greets in a seductive tone. Susan giggles a bit.

"Hi." Susan replies.

"Name's Wade Wilson." Deadpool informs, "What's yours."

"Susan." Susan replies, "Susan Strong."

"Well, tell me, Susan, what do you like to do?" Deadpool questions.

"Susan like to eat candy." Susan answers.

"No way!" Deadpool replies, "Me too." Both look into each other's eyes, a feeling of romance between them. "So, you wanna go raid the Candy Kingdom for pixie stixs?" Deadpool questions.

"Okay!" Susan answers, excited.

"Sweeeeet." Deadpool says, "Give me a second and we'll head out." He then stumbles over to Marceline, who had just recovered from the effects of the smoke bomb. "Marcie, you're just gonna have to accept that it's over between us." Deadpool informs. Marceline's eyes widen in disbelief.

"…What?" Marceline replies.

"I've moved on." Deadpool explains, "And you should too. Sure, no man will be as good as me, Hell, I probably ruined you for other men in general. But life goes on. I'm sorry, Marcie. But hey, we can still be friends, right?" Marceline is speechless for a moment.

"…Sure, Wade." Marceline sighs, a little irritated.

"Cool." Deadpool replies, then strolls away.

**[**You think she'll ever get over you?**]**

"Not a chance." Deadpool says, then strolls over to Finn and Jake, "Hey, guys, sorry that the whole Marcie and me thing got out of hands. I tell ya, that girl uber cray! What do ya say, still friends?"

"Uhh... yeah." Finn replies, a bit shocked.

"I guess." Jake adds.

"Nice." Deadpool replies, "Well, me and the Amazon are gonnna head over to the Candy Kingdom. Good too, I owe a little something to that little peppermint bastard. He tried to steal my flesh while I was sleeping. See ya." Deadpool and Susan head off into the darkness together.

"I can't believe it." Finn states, "It's over, just like that? He tried to kill me over Marceline, then he met Susan and called it off?"

"Sounds about right." Jake says, "Well, I'll see you, dude. I'm gonna go appreciate gift of life. And Imma kiss every baby is see along the way." Jake wonders back the way they came. Marceline floats behind Finn and wraps her arms around him.

"Well well, looks like we're all alone." Marceline purrs seductively.

"Well, you never know down here." Finn informs, "The Hyoomens tend to roam together in packs."

"Trust me, we are." Marceline replies, "Oh, and sorry that my little crushing almost got you killed."

"It happens." Finn says, shrugging.

"Oh, by the way, here's your hat." Marceline replies, handing Finn his hat.

"Thanks." Finn says, then goes to put it one, only for Marceline to stop him.

"No, leave it off." Marceline purrs, "You look much cuter without it." Finn blushes, then the two share a smile. They pucker their lips and slowly bring them close together.

"Oh, wait, that reminds me, did you ever do… you know… the thing... with Wade?" Finn questions.

"Oh, shut up and kiss me!" Marceline replies. Finn shrugs, then their lips connect, sharing a very passionate kiss.

"WOOHOO!" Jake yells from the darkness.

A couple hours later, Deadpool and Susan Strong are sneaking around the Candy Kingdom, pushing a wheelbarrow full of candy.

"All and all, I'd say this was a successful raid." Deadpool informs, "We got enough pixie stix and rock candy to last us two, maybe three days!"

"Wade, 'ou said that 'ou had "special lollipop" juss for me." Susan replies, seeming confused, "But... there isn't a... lollipop in the cart."

"Oh, how silly of me." Deadpool says, a chuckle in his voice, "I've got it right here in my pocket."

"Really?" Susan questions, even more excited.

"Of course, let's just turn down this alley and I'll give it to you." Deadpool replies, as him and Susan turn down an alley way. The sound of a zipper dropping could be heard.

_LIKE THIS!_  
><em>Some people wait a lifetime,<em>  
><em>For a moment like this!<em>

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading. I hope you really enjoyed this story and that it made you laugh. Is the story truly over? ...Yes. But that doesn't mean you won't see Finn, Jake and Deadpool again in the near future. Please Review. Thanks.<strong>


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